Devil Boy: A Onesie Tale

Originally posted on Tumblr: Nov 2nd 2021

Okay fuck it. I’ll tell the truth. I know just like me you all saw that stupid review of that Monkey Onesie.  It’s been making its way around all those parent blogs. I swear if I have to read one more mommy blogger’s review of a review I’ll scream. Though let’s be honest that first review sounded like a crock of… well you know. Sorry, I normally don’t have this much of a potty mouth and have to stay reasonable around the kid, but I have to share something with you guys. I actually found the original website the father mentioned. Since Halloween was coming up it was only natural that I order something for my kid. Of course, my son was a bit older than that first child.

My son Javier usually lives with his mom, and she never celebrates Halloween. She’s one of the people that thinks it’s the devil’s holiday.  The truth is I always thought she was too strict with our boy, she needed to let him have fun. With all the rules and orders, she put in place my house was the only place he could relax. Don’t get me wrong I still enforce rules but Fun too. I’ve told my ex-wife multiple times I don’t agree with her standards and won’t enforce them on our son. She said the same to me. And don’t jump on my ass about sending my kid mixed signals. I'm not in the mood.

Anyway, we really got into it before she dropped my son off. I had a Pokémon trainer outfit all geared up and ready to go for him, but my ex changed my mind. I went and ordered the devil onesie to specifically piss her off. My son didn’t care; he just loved to put on a costume.

I honestly thought I could order the outfit, give it to my son. Then snap a few pics for my ex, have a nice laugh about it, and go trick or treating. Let me warn anyone reading this, these onesies don’t deserve reviews. Yesterday, on Halloween my son got sick. So, he couldn’t go trick or treating. It was just a 24-hour stomach bug, but I was at his side the whole day.  Now that I think about it, maybe that was the universe's way of trying to warn me. Though I hadn’t pieced it together then.

I ended up giving my son the onesie so he could put it on. The photos didn’t even matter to me anymore. All I did was go downstairs and by the time I got back upstairs there was a struggling red ball where my son used to be. There were punches and muffled screams coming from within the onesie. I froze. I couldn’t move. Everything that guy said on that monkey post had been true. I couldn’t believe it. His body started stretching and morphing and deep in my head I knew he was growing. The suit got filled up as muscle poured into his body. Then after what had to have been an arduous process my son emerged. Or at least who I assumed to be my son. I mean he looked like my son, but his face had lost the cherub features and been replaced with angles.

His eyes met mine. There was a shiver down my spine. My boy was different. He wasn’t the kid I had left. And now after having lived with this ‘new’ him. I think that devil costume had an effect beyond physical.  Now my sweet Javier acts more like the bad boy he looks like. Coming in late, Drinking…Drinking! He’s over 21 now. Perhaps this is what I deserve. I mean I snapped a picture. just look at him up there! I’d say my wife has her work cut out for her but she doesn’t remember our son ever being well behaved. All she knows is this rule breaker punk.

How the hell did I screw up this badly?